Blog
What about "MONO"?
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 01/29/13The dreaded nightmare of the teen years: draining fatigue with a terrible sore throat, huge "kissing" tonsils coated in pus, so bad that the youngster can't swallow his/her own saliva(!), severe nausea/abdominal pain, with insomnia mixed in for good measure...
The Young Infant and Food
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 11/06/12Milk, human milk, is the perfect food for the newborn. Milk is an excellent food for young infants. Milk is a good food for older infants. But milk is only a fair food for toddlers and older children. (And this isn't even considering the potential problems associated with COW'S MILK.)
Catch them being good!
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 09/18/12
So many parents wonder why little kids "are always misbehaving". The answer is quite simple: people (ALL people, including little kids) will continue to perform behavior that gets REWARDED. Most adults tend to ignore children who are playing quietly, without fighting or being disruptive. But children, like most people, HATE to be ignored. So, since they know "deep down" that MISBEHAVIN' will get them ATTENTION, that's what they HAVE TO DO! It doesn't matter that the attention they'll be getting will be SCOLDING, and anger, it's STILL a POWERFUL REWARD, or what they call "Positive reinforcement" in the psychology business.
A parenting magazine recently offered the following tip to keep young children from interrupting your telephone conversations: Wait until you see your little one playing quietly; approach casually and make a "phoney phone call". Pretend to be speaking with someone. The script should be short: "Hi Mom, everyone's fine. I just wanted to say hello. We'll see you next week." Then hang up. Then you look down at your child with amazement: I CAN'T BELIEVE you waited SO PATIENTLY while I was speaking on the phone!! No other boy/girl on Long Island could be so POLITE and PATIENT!!
Homo Sapiens: We are Worriers (and Warriors), addendum to original post
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 06/12/12When Captain Chesley Sullenberger landed his crippled plane safely on the Hudson River, in Jan of 2009, the whole world cheered. He, his crew, and his passengers had all been in grave danger; a catastrophic "bird strike" had destroyed both engines of their jet. Without any power, they could not possibly reach an airport. But now, thanks to the pilot's amazing dexterity and judgment, their troubles were over. You'd think "Sully's" (the captain's nickname) worries were over. But you'd be wrong. For several days after his heroic performance the pilot was unable to sleep. It was not from lingering fears of the averted horrific crash that he tossed and turned: He was playing the flight over and over in his mind because he was troubled by the thought that "he might have done something better" than perform a perfect river landing.
Jumpin' Jack Flash!!
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 05/23/12This past weekend on NBC's Saturday Night Live, a man who will turn seventy years old in 2013 gave a musical performance that would have been insanely amazing for a twenty year old.
Homo Sapiens: We are Worriers (and Warriors)
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 05/20/12Frequently over the years, a young person between the ages of 6 and 26 has come to my office with the complaint of being overly anxious. They feel that something must be wrong; that they are the only young person out there with this distress. I believe it's a terrible loss for our young to experience "anxiety" as a sickness. We don't think someone is sick if they cry out in pain after placing their hand on a hot stove. Everyone knows we have five senses and "pain" is part of the "touch" sense. The ability to feel pain is crucial for us to properly care for our bodies. Otherwise, people would frequently be severely injured painlessly and not know about it until it was too late!
"Chariots of Water" (not quite a Movie)
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 05/07/12
About 15 years ago I spent two weeks in the Vermont woods as a camp doctor. My nursing staff consisted of four delightful young women from England. When they heard that I'd never experienced the adventure that is waterskiing, they enthusiastically encouraged me to get down to the lake and try it at my first opportunity.
Three days later I was down at the waterfront and the instructors fitted me with skis and took me out in their motorboat. They coached me on how I should position my arms and legs and what to expect when the tow rope would start pulling me. I got in the water and waited with excitement and some trepidation as the boat pulled away. I nervously anticipated the sudden "yanking" of the rope I was firmly gripping. This would test my athleticism and balance: lean back too far and I'd fall; lean too far forward and I'd fall. In less than ten seconds, I had tumbled over and was being dragged across the lake surface until I wisely let the rope go. I coughed water and tried not to thrash or make a fuss as I swam in place, waiting for the boat to circle. They came around and picked me up. The counselors reassured me. Told me to try again. And I did. Again. And again. And again. For about forty minutes and five exhausting, frustrating attempts of my flopping around and feeling a foolish oaf. Suddenly I realized that my limbs were lead, drained of strength, that my chance of successfully getting up on the skis was nonexistent. I told the ski instructors that I was through for the day and the boat took me sadly back to shore. I knew that I would never be able to do this sport...
Dispirited, I trudged back up to the woodsy medical clinic, only to be greeted by the four up-beat English nurses who laughed at my down-hearted attitude. "Don't you worry!," they chirped in chorus. "The same thing happened when we took our first spin at summer's start! That session beat us up; near to lyin' down on the shoreline like dead mackerels! We were certain we'd never learn. But we went back to the boat a week later, and first try out, up we went, skimin' along the surface like we was ice-skatin' at Christmas time! You go back next Tuesday! You'll see!"
A week passed and I was back at the lake. This made no sense to me. I was forty. I knew how to do what I knew how to do (biking, swimming, awkward snow skiing) but my body and mind were done with "learning to do new stuff". There was no way that I was going to succeed "right off" today, when a week ago, I was a pathetic half-drowned wreck! But those pesky English "birds" were so certain. They left me with a glimmer (but only a glimmer) of hope to give it one more ride:
I imagined that the boat counselors were not pleased to see me. But they politely set me up again in the water, calmly motored away from me AND THE NEXT SECOND I WAS UP! SAILING ALONG, SKIMMING THE LAKE! Elegantly, I trailed behind as I held onto the tow line: not too tight, not too hunched, not too stiff, knees bent just so. I almost felt like I was dreaming! How did it happen this time? My legs, arms, back and head had all known what to do as the moment to ski arrived. The boat crew cheered. I felt like an Olympian. We made several circles around the lake and they even let me thrill to crossing the boat's wake. I was victorious! They signaled me that they had to give a turn to someone else - and it was done, over.
Over the passing years I still MARVEL at what had transpired that summer: I took a chance and attempted to learn something brand new for this forty-something year old city dweller. I tried to master the new skill but seemed to have had NO SUCCESS on the single day I'd devoted to it. But after a week's passing and no conscious thought or effort devoted to the activity, I had MASTERED the skill! I had become a proficient waterskier by NOT ENGAGING in the activity! The only conclusion one can make is that, despite my consciously neglecting the skill (possibly BECAUSE I "let go" in an Asian way and stopped pressuring myself), my body and mind had solved the puzzle, and, during that week of inactivity, had learned what they needed to do to be successful.
If it had only happened to me, I might wonder if it had been some kind of religious, miraculous experience! But those English nurses had guaranteed that it was going to go down that way! The same thing had happened to them. So the real lesson is that our mind/body can still surprise us with what it can do, what WE can do, when we put our mind to it. But it's essential that we know when to "cut ourselves some slack", because DOING JUST THAT may be exactly what's needed for the recipe of success! And it's true for children of all ages, even forty-something ones.
(Keep an eye out for "The Bike Riding Lesson" - A Blog coming soon to Your Neighborhood!)
The PURPLE baby and the 5 S's
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 03/27/12What is colic? The term has been used for about 100 years, but it is still shrouded in mystery. All babies cry. Some babies cry more than others. In 1954, Dr. Morris Wessel described "infantile colic" in the Journal Pediatrics, as "paroxysmal fussing in infancy", in a baby "under 3 months old crying more than 3 hours a day, for 3 or more days a week". To meet the definition, it is critical that the baby have no existing discoverable medical illness. It is necessary for a doctor to evaluate a baby who is so distressed for a prolonged time to "rule-out" such conditions as: scratched cornea of the eye, ear infection, a "hair tourniquet" (in which a long hair, usually Mother's, is wrapped tightly around a finger, toe, or penis, so that it cuts deeply, painfully into the flesh), intestinal obstruction, serious infection, or severe cow's milk intolerance. (In babies with severe cow's milk intolerance, catastrophic gastro-intestinal symptoms can appear with relentless vomiting, bloody diarrhea, and even cardiovascular shock. Soy intolerance is also present to the same degree in up to 30 % of these infants. So switching such a baby to soy formula is a terrible idea; you are making a bad gamble with the infant's safety!) Once that examination has been performed, parents will need to accept that it is NORMAL for THEIR baby to cry A LOT for that part of his/her life. Easier said than done! It is painful for parents to have to listen to and watch their much-loved infant in obvious pain. In this situation, I try to comfort parents by advising them, that if they are distressed by the sound of their crying baby, that is a good thing! Through eons of evolution during which survival for human babies was very tough, the baby that cried with the right pitch/quality, in such a way as to get adults to care for them, would be a baby much more likely to survive! (If one likes the sound of his baby crying, there is something terribly wrong, and perhaps that baby should be promptly brought to the authorities for safe keeping.)
"Mom always liked you best!"--Tommy Smothers, 1965
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 03/12/12- Why is this quotation, a "running gag" from a 1960's musical/comedy variety show, funny? Is it funny? Sigmund Freud wrote an entire volume on humor. When we joke about something, the reason might be that we feel a troubling emotional connection to the subject and gain relief and comfort by giggling about it.. A recent survey of United States adults revealed that about 25% are estranged from their siblings. So this business about Sibling Rivalry, and its long term consequences, is powerful.
The MILLER "LIGHT" Plan (It Ain't Rocket Science, but it works if you do!)
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 02/03/12When you're struggling with an overweight condition, you're dealing with a BioPsychoSocial Disorder...
Daddy's Shining Moment in the Sun
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 02/02/12
"Pick your fights". That's frequently the advice parents get from the experts who "know best" about child rearing. But what does that mean "in the trenches"? In the give and take of "everyday"? Here is a tale of how this Daddy handled one "crisis":
It was a lovely, frigid Sunday in early February which we spent in the luxurious Trump Tower Cafe on Fifth Avenue within the windy skyscraper canyons of Manhattan. My two year old daughter was quite precocious and she felt very grown up in her "elegant" party dress at brunch. When it was time to leave, we strolled out of the restaurant and into the pink marble lobby. But when I offered to help her into her winter coat in preparation to our braving the cold outside, I was reminded of why I called her age/stage "The Tyranical Two's"! "No! No! No!" she pulled away from me. "I don't want it!" "But darling," I reasoned, "It's FREEZING out there. You have to put on your coat. We all have our coats on." She was unconvinced, increasingly indignant, and more adamant by the minute! She would not put on the coat! It quickly became clear that in order to put on her coat, I would have to wrestle her to the pink marble tiled floor! We would struggle together there in tears and sweat, while the fancy people of midtown gawked at us in disdain as they passed us by. My poor baby-girl would be debilitated, humiliated, enraged at our having "disrespected" her, and feel sick with the dreaded "post tantrum" headache! But suddenly, just like in a cartoon, "a little light bulb" went on over my head, and I knew what I had to do to save the day. I looked her in the eyes, calmly, but in deadly earnest, "Are you sure you don't want your coat, because THIS is the last time I'm asking and WE are going into the cold outside RIGHT NOW?" As she balked a last time, I turned on my heel and announced like a General that we were "moving out". My wife is usually the family quarterback, calling the big plays with confidence, but she stared at me in awe, "Larry, are you sure?" After all, it WAS about 15 degrees out there. "Absolutely! Let's go!", and we were suddenly straining against the vicious ice storm of Fifth Avenue. I marched about three steps in front of my little girl, watching the horrified faces of people heading the other way as the sight of what looked like a "half naked" doll came toward them. With my ears straining for her voice, I'd only walked about five feet when I heard her desperate baby-cry: "DADDYYYY!!!" I "stopped on a dime" and turned to find her shamefacedly looking down at the sidewalk with her arm extended upward toward me, silently begging me to wrap her in her coat. ( It was clear from her body language that it was hurting her pride to have to ask to be covered up, after all!) "OH!!", I shouted in mock surprise, " We forgot to put on your coat!!", and I scooped her up, engulfing her in the thick warm wool.
What did my two year old learn from the day's events? Her Mommy and Daddy wanted her to do something, but when she firmly refused, they DID NOT USE THEIR SUPERIOR STRENGTH AND SIZE TO FORCE HER TO COMPLY. So they RESPECTED her NEED for INTEGRITY, to decide FOR HERSELF, WHATEVER HER REASONS.
And they acknowledged her RIGHT to be wrong. It's when we make mistakes, errors in judgement, that we learn the most. Every great, successful person, without exception, had the opportunity to make great, big mistakes on the way to his or her amazing achievement!
And when the little one realized her "terrible" mistake as the "needles" of painful ice air hit her in the face and body, she only needed to call "DADDY!" and I was at her side catching her in my warmth and safety. So she had reason to feel confident and secure as she moved on, choosing HER OWN WAY in NEW ADVENTURES!
And what is MISSING from the little tale? NO ONE FELT THE NEED TO POINT OUT HER ERROR IN JUDGEMENT. To "rub her face in it" and remind her that she had been "difficult" and "foolish" in refusing the coat. What "GOOD" would come of a playback of that videotape in the Trump lobby? Only humiliation, shame and sadness. But we want this little one to feel EMPOWERED by her choices every day. OF COURSE she is going to make mistakes, but that is not only UNAVOIDABLE, it's actually GOOD FOR HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! "It's not that you got knocked down that matters, BUT HOW YOU GOT BACK UP!" Thomas Edison made a point of saying that he had not FAILED 9,999 times when he endlessly chose the wrong metallic alloy while trying to make a light bulb filament, but that he had LEARNED 9,999 ways NOT TO MAKE A LIGHT BULB!! (His 10,000th try was the charm when he finally discovered that Tungsten was just right for the job!)
Later that day, I considered the reason she had declined the winter coat in the first place. My best guess is that my darling was feeling so beautiful in her party dress, so special, that it was painful for her to "cover it up" with the coat. And just as important was the meaning of "putting on the coat": WE WERE LEAVING. IT WAS ENDING. And that was too sad for her. She had wanted it to last and last.
Reviewing the scenario in full, I was too proud for words. It was the battle and the tantrum that never happened because, on that given Sunday, I had played a great "round of chess". And you can be sure I've been "check-mated" by my kids PLENTY of times!
"S-H-Y" is Just a "four letter word"...(After Bob Dylan and Joan Baez)
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 01/22/12If a young child in my examining room seems uncomfortable as I attempt to engage them, I always hang back, try to move and speak softly and allow them their distance.
You Can Drive Your Child Sane
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 01/17/12
I remember seeing a famous psychologist, Haim Ginott, on the old "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson when I was a teenager. In an amusing way, he encouraged parents to "drive their child sane". He described the following scenario:
A man takes his son to the ice cream shop. He orders an ice cream cone for the boy. The store owner prepares the cone and is about to hand it to the little fellow (who is about 5 years old), but before he can give it to him, the Dad starts to tell his son to be very careful...If he's not careful he'll drop the cone and make a mess...This kind of thing has happened before....He's always doing things in a rush!...If it falls there'll be a big mess!!!.... The little boy hears that his father EXPECTS him to drop the cone; he hears the NERVOUSNESS in his father's voice; he believes his father KNOWS EVERYTHING and so HE BECOMES VERY NERVOUS with SHAKING HANDS, (to NOT DROP the cone would make his Dad a LIAR) and of course he finally DROPS the cone on the floor. The father YELLS and SHAMES the boy for his CLUMSINESS ONCE AGAIN!! Reinforcing the boy's INSECURITY.
But the father COULD have AVOIDED HURTING the little boy he LOVES. What if he SAID NOTHING as the shop keeper handed the cone to his son? Maybe, because the little guy wan't crazed with anxiety from his father's warnings/threats of shame, he would have smoothly held the cone. Or, perhaps he would have dropped the cone because he really was a clumsy kid. Would that have been truly a TERRIBLE event? Would anyone have ended up in the hospital because of this "accident"? Not at all. So, the helpful, calm, supportive parent would then get the attention of the counterman, "Excuse me. We've had a little mishap here and dropped our ice cream. Could we have some paper towels to help clean up the mess? And another ice cream cone, please..." What a different day that is compared to the first story! The second little boy learns to keep things in perspective; he learns from his Dad that little mishaps aren't a big deal; even though he isn't perfect, things can be fixed. THE NEXT TIME HE'S HANDED A CONE, HE'S LESS LIKELY TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK.
Those of you who've met me know that I occasionaly have moments of being "highly strung"! So when I took my own two daughters to the ice cream shoppe (they were two years old and 10 years old), I couldn't help but anxiously consider the possible ice cream accidents that might be in store for us! But then, I remembered the vignette described above as we were in the process of being served. I felt my inner self grow still and calm... What would be would be....That's when my ten year old, handed the cone to her two year old sister in her stroller. As the cone was changing hands, the thought occurred to me: "That cone is not long for the world..." But I kept silent. Sure enough, it quickly slipped from my baby's hands and "plopped" on the floor! Shocked, the girls both looked at me with expectation of doom. But they were even more surprised when I CALMLY reassured them that it was "no big deal". I admit I felt a bit self-conscious, like I had walked into a TV show sitcom and was now on board as an actor. I strolled back into the ice cream shoppe and suavely explained that we'd had a little accident with the cone outside, and that I needed a replacement cone. My daughters were beaming when I emerged from the store with a new cone. And I sensed that their happiness had as much to do with the way their Dad had behaved that day, as it did with the cool sweet treat they were about to enjoy.
To Sleep or Not to Sleep: The Tyrannical Toddler
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 12/12/11Some families get themselves into really bad bedtime habits with toddlers. The parents are exhausted from the every night battle of putting the child to sleep. So the baby ends up sleeping in the same place that "the 500 pound gorilla" does: any where he wants!
To Sleep or Not to Sleep: The Young Infant
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 11/10/11
"My baby still wakes up at night. Is that normal?" "Why does my baby wake up in the middle of the night?"
Such a common question. Let us consider why the baby will call for you at night. But let's be honest. The baby being awake isn't the real problem: It's the PARENT being awakened that's causing distress.
1. The baby is hungry.
2. The baby is not tired.
3. The baby is lonely.
4. The baby is frightened.
5. The baby is in pain.
6. The baby HAS WAKENED AND CAN NOT GET BACK TO SLEEP.
If an infant is under four months old or fourteen pounds, she is entitled to demand a night feeding. If the baby is waking after those limits, it is not for reason of hunger. One of the commonest mistakes new parents make is to rock their baby to sleep or regularly allow them to fall asleep while sucking on breast or bottle. If the baby becomes accustomed to that routine, they will become unable to fall asleep without rocking or sucking. So when the baby wakes in the middle of the night, (AND PEOPLE OF ALL AGES WAKE SEVERAL TIIMES EVERY NIGHT) she will call out; not because she needs to feed, but because she needs to get back to sleep. And the half asleep parents will be bamboozled into feeding the baby because THEY want to get back to sleep. If this pattern goes on for even a few days, the baby who has woken and is still half asleep will awaken completely because she has NOW been trained to EXPECT a middle of the night feeding!
How do we fix this mess (or prevent it in the first place)? A BEDTIME ROUTINE is the key. You may want to start with a soothing warm bath. The baby should usually be PUT TO BED in HIS OWN bed. This becomes MORE important as the child gets older. If a baby falls asleep in the living room with the TV on, or in Mommy's bed, and is then carried to his crib, it can be frightening for the baby to rouse and find himself somewhere else, BEHIND THE BARS of a crib! A baby has NO CONCEPT OF WHAT SLEEP IS. He didn't know he was ASLEEP. He only knows he was resting comfortably, securely in the bosom of his family, closed his eyes "for a second" and now has magically been moved and IS ALONE!!
Once the baby is lying in her crib, a lullaby or two is helpful; a musical mobile near the crib is calming. Reading the child a short story is pleasant, and frequently the baby will look forward to the SAME story night after night. A gentle massage can also be very relaxing and get the baby ready for sleep. Sometimes, baby will still be upset as you are leaving. I devised a "last goodbye" routine that helped my daughter: I'd lay down on the carpet beside her crib and offer my hand through the bars. I'd coax her to lie down and take hold of my finger for comfort while she was settling. POP QUIZ: Could anything possibly go wrong with this plan?...........ANSWER: If you get TOO COMFORTABLE lying there and STAY TOO LONG so that baby ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP holding your finger, this could become A CRUTCH. When baby wakes lightly in the middle of the night, she will be UNABLE TO GET HERSELF BACK DOWN and REQUIRE you to hold her hand. Not good. To prevent this TRAP I would slowly count to "60" as I'd lie beside the crib with her holding my finger. At "60" I'd gently withdraw my hand from hers, remain still for another ten seconds, and quietly creep out of the room. She WAS STILL AWAKE, but SO RELAXED that she was okay with my leaving! Within the next minute or so, she'd be asleep.
Of course you need to consider the baby could be teething in infancy and crying from throbbing they feel at bedtime (PLEASE see my notes on TEETHING on this site).
This is also where the PACIFIER shows its real value: Rhythmic sucking is likely to calm and satisfy the baby who uses it frequently during the day. In my own home, we encouraged our daughters to enjoy the pacifier all day long and all night long from early infancy. This prevented thumbsucking. But at night, if they woke, after they were 3 months old, we'd pop the pacifier back in their mouths before they really wakened completely and got upset. Sucking on it usually got them right back to sleep. By the time they were 6 months old, we'd keep 3 or 4 pacifiers in the crib, and if they awakened at night, they'd find one by chance and PUT THEMSELVES RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP. That was great for everybody. IMPORTANT: If you don't want a four year old still stuck with a pacifier, you have to begin limiting the pacifier to SLEEP TIME ONLY beginning at about 16 months or so. MAKE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE. Baby will quickly learn the new limits and really relish going to bed. (When my daughter was 2 years old, we left her with a baby sitter and were surprised to learn she'd gone to sleep shortly after we'd left. SHE HAD CONNED THE SITTER to put her to bed because she was lonely without us, wanted the comfort of the pacifier, but knew the only way she'd be allowed to have it was if she were in the crib!! So she PRETENDED to be sleepy to get to her "long lost friend"!!) I advise complete elimination of the pacifier at 3 years old. With our daughters, we began to warn them of its impending departure a month before that birthday party. We got the book, "Miss Piggy's Bye Bye Pacifier" and read it nightly with them. The day after the third birthday party, we explained the pacifier was gone. We all suffered two cranky evenings, and our kids quickly accepted the loss. They were fine because they were ready to move on and COULD USE WORDS NOW and didn't need to suck the way toddlers do.
In my next blog, we'll explore sleeping difficulties in babies who are beyond infancy.
The Human Spark
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 10/02/11The actor Alan Alda recently hosted a PBS special exploring what makes humans different from all other mammals and primates.
The Danger of Praise
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 09/22/11
It probably would never occur to a normal parent that complementing his child could have negative consequences. But groundbreaking research done at Columbia University's Teacher's College a few years ago (and reported in NEW YORK MAGAZINE) is very disturbing. Four hundred fifth graders were given a very simple exam (meant for 3rd grade kids). Every child taking the test did very well and found it easy. The youngsters were then divided into two groups. All the kids in the first group were told that they did very well and that THEY MUST BE VERY SMART. When the kids in the second group were told their results, they were told that THEY MUST BE VERY HARD WORKERS.
All the kids were then given a difficult test, meant for 7th graders. While ALL the kids had trouble with the test, it was clear that those in the FIRST group of "smart" kids were emotionally distressed, breaking into a sweat or becoming agitated. But the "hard workers" in the SECOND group didn't seem to mind the difficult material and seemed interested, engaged in the challenge.
Then a very easy test was given again to end the experiment: The kids from the "smart" group DID NOT DO AS WELL AS THE FIRST TIME AROUND. The kids from group 2, "the hard workers", did just as well as the first time. The only difference between the two groups was WHAT WAS SAID TO THEM WHEN THEY FINISHED THE FIRST EASY TEST. So it is apparent, that BEING TOLD THEY WERE SMART DAMAGED THE SUBSEQUENT PERFORMANCE OF CHILDREN.
Just as important, when children were praised for being HARD WORKERS, they took pleasure in facing a difficult challenge. In fact, many of this group said the impossible 7th grade test WAS THE FAVORITE PART OF THEIR DAY!
But why was there a dramatic difference in outcome? It is probably the result of errors in logic that occur in the immature reasoning of young minds. The child who was told she was smart had just taken a test she found EASY. The conclusion she came to is that, WHEN A PERSON IS SMART, A LESSON OR A TEST IS EXPERIENCED AS EASY. But if a person finds a test or lesson DIFFICULT, she must not be SMART. So, when the child found the second exam hard, her distress came from feeling she must NO LONGER BE SMART. The disasterous outcome is that the child doesn't realize that with CONTINUED EFFORT, difficult material CAN BE MASTERED.
On the other hand, the group praised for HARD WORK, has a sense of reality that links success to EFFORT. So these kids ARE NOT HOPELESS when they face a challenge. If the material is more difficult, they continue to believe they CAN SUCCEED if they MAKE A GREATER EFFORT. The feeling of having CONTROL over their destiny is EMPOWERING. They are less likely to GIVE UP because their SELF IMAGE is that of the persistent WORKER. And they equate the PRIDE and PLEASURE of their success WITH the EFFORT they offer to the task.
One doesn't have to stretch the imagination too far to see the consequences of this ATITUDE toward learning in high school and college. So TAKE CARE when you praise your little loved ones; when you praise them, let it be for their EFFORT, their ORIGINALITY, their IMAGINATION, their PERSISTENCE, rather than for an intelligence they did nothing to earn.
Choking Foods
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 09/12/11
There are few things more fun than watching your baby explore and delight in eating real food. But like all things in life that are worthwhile, some risk is involved. Managing that risk is key. So there are some simple safety rules for babies and food. Kids should be sitting down when they eat; not running or jumping. It's more enjoyable when the atmosphere is calm during a meal.
Some foods are inappropriate, not safe for babies. The official word is that kids under four should avoid the following 10 foods because they are a choking hazard:
1.Raw Carrots
2.Raw Celery
3.Peanuts
4.Popcorn
5.Hard Candy
6.Raisins
7.Grapes
8.Frankfurters
9.Apples
10.Peanut Butter
Numbers 1 thru 5 are absolutely forbidden under every circumstance. If a very young child/baby laughs or coughs with one of these in her mouth, it can lead to tragedy. A peanut or piece of popcorn could easily be inhaled through the larynx (voicebox) and plug the trachea (windpipe) so the child chokes.
Raisins, though, can be soaked in water until they are quite soft and then cut in half. Grapes can also be cut in quarters and peeled so they pose little threat. Frankfurters, true JUNK food, (very high in fat and processed chemicals) can be cut paper thin like bologna and only present a nutritional danger (shouldn't be eaten more than once a month). Apples can also be cut paper thin. Peanut butter should be spread extremely thin in small amounts.
Following this guide is really easy and your peace of mind will be worth the effort.
Toilet Training
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 09/03/11The successful accomplishment of toilet training is one of the most important and gratifying milestones of childhood. Most parents worry and ask about "the correct method" to train their child. I answer by pointing to the head and the heart. "The child has to be ready UP HERE and IN HERE". They have to KNOW, to UNDERSTAND what is required of them, and they have to be READY, to WANT to COMMIT to this civilized behavior.
Breast Feeding
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 07/22/11
They say that when it comes to feeding a new baby, " Breast is best." How did this saying come about? First of all, if we look at it from evolution, the system is well tested and has been the main way of feeding for a million or so years. In fact, bottle feeding has only been around for about 100 years. Breast milk is always served at the right temperature for the baby and is fresh, never sour. It is possible that what mother ate in the prior hours to feeding may change the flavor of milk a bit, but that variety might actually increase a baby's enjoyment of different solid foods and their tastes when they are eventually offered. Breastfeeding clearly protects the infant by boosting the immune system with the antibodies and immune cells from the mother. It was hoped that children genetically prone to allergy would be protected from this problem if breastfed, but this has not been shown. What is clear, is that severe gastrointestinal infections ALMOST NEVER strike breastfed babies. This could mean a matter of life and death in Third World countries. It is well documented that breastfed babies tend to be heavier than "bottle" babies at their first birthday. They then tend to be lighter than bottle fed babies by the second birthday, and for the rest of childhood. It's advantageous to gain more weight early on as this protects the infant in case of illness during the first year. And it's better to be less predisposed to obesity in childhood. This is achieved by breastfeeding.
Formula companies are endlessly tryi;ng to imitate breast milk. The latest venture involves DHA which is an unsaturated fatty acid found naturally in breast milk. It appears to improve vision and possibly general brain function. If a mother breast feeds her baby, she can be assured this nutrient will be supplied in exactly the right concentration for her child.
The biggest problem today surrounding breast feeding is starting it from birth successfully. Many mothers want to breast feed but are prevented from doing so by fear of failure. The sabotaging of their efforts may come from well meaning relatives who express concern that the baby might not "get enough milk". If the mother feeds her baby often, right from birth, the odds of success go up. By "often," I mean even every one to two or three hours between feedings, as long as the mother has the energy and is ready to do it. A wise lactation consultant answers the question how one knows it is time to feed an infant under two weeks old: When the baby is awake! If you wait until they are crying, you waited too long! An upset baby isn't likely to take a good feeding, or LEARN how to suck properly on the breast. We call it "latching on".
The consultant strongly advised against offering supplemental bottles for the first several weeks. That's because "nipple confusion" is extremely common when a baby gets formula in a bottle alternating with the breast feedings. The baby loses patience with the mother. Her milk doesn't come into his mouth as fast as with the bottle of milk. Soon, the infant may refuse to suck on the mother's breast at all. Most mothers will simply give up at this point, feeling the baby has rejected the breast, and prefers the bottle. But a few years ago, one of the mothers in my practice who has diabetes was incorrectly told by the hospital nurses that she could not breast feed and they started the baby on formula. When the baby was almost one month old, I advised her it was fine to breastfeed and SHE SUCCESSFULLY SWITCHED OVER to breastfeeding by persisting to offer the breast frequently. IN a MONTH OLD INFANT! In fact, if the mother completely stops the bottle at this point and offers her breasts every one to two hours, ninety per cent of babies will be successfully breastfeeding again with one or two days. All mother needs to do to be sure baby is getting enough is to watch for wet diapers. About three urinations in a day assure adequate milk
Many mothers suffer from sore nipples the first week of breast feeding. This is made worse if mother feeds more than 15 minutes per side at a feeding. (The baby gets 90% of the milk in a breast within 10 minutes of feeding. Any longer than that is for comfort AND to PRIME the breast to INCREASE its milk production to keep up with the baby's increasing needs as the days pass.) Several baby supply companies make a NIPPLE SHIELD that is a thin soft membrane to slip over the nipple. It has perforations in it and when the baby sucks on it, the breast milk comes through the holes for the baby to swallow. The little cushioning provided by the shield can turn intolerable pain into bearable discomfort. In a few days, the breast is conditioned, the pain gone and the shield no longer needed.
Till what age should a baby be breastfed? As long as the mother feels it is right for her and her baby. Some mothers stop when a baby is one or two months old, and some kids are breastfed until one or two years old or older. It truly is nobody's business but mother and baby. Sometimes a mother is unsure what to do when a baby gets teeth and painfully bites down on the breast. If the mother quickly pulls the breast away each time with a disapproving look and firmly says, "No, don't bite", most babies quickly learn to refrain from clamping with teeth.