To Sleep or Not to Sleep: The Young Infant
by Doctor Laurence H. Miller on 11/10/11
"My baby still wakes up at night. Is that normal?" "Why does my baby wake up in the middle of the night?"
Such a common question. Let us consider why the baby will call for you at night. But let's be honest. The baby being awake isn't the real problem: It's the PARENT being awakened that's causing distress.
1. The baby is hungry.
2. The baby is not tired.
3. The baby is lonely.
4. The baby is frightened.
5. The baby is in pain.
6. The baby HAS WAKENED AND CAN NOT GET BACK TO SLEEP.
If an infant is under four months old or fourteen pounds, she is entitled to demand a night feeding. If the baby is waking after those limits, it is not for reason of hunger. One of the commonest mistakes new parents make is to rock their baby to sleep or regularly allow them to fall asleep while sucking on breast or bottle. If the baby becomes accustomed to that routine, they will become unable to fall asleep without rocking or sucking. So when the baby wakes in the middle of the night, (AND PEOPLE OF ALL AGES WAKE SEVERAL TIIMES EVERY NIGHT) she will call out; not because she needs to feed, but because she needs to get back to sleep. And the half asleep parents will be bamboozled into feeding the baby because THEY want to get back to sleep. If this pattern goes on for even a few days, the baby who has woken and is still half asleep will awaken completely because she has NOW been trained to EXPECT a middle of the night feeding!
How do we fix this mess (or prevent it in the first place)? A BEDTIME ROUTINE is the key. You may want to start with a soothing warm bath. The baby should usually be PUT TO BED in HIS OWN bed. This becomes MORE important as the child gets older. If a baby falls asleep in the living room with the TV on, or in Mommy's bed, and is then carried to his crib, it can be frightening for the baby to rouse and find himself somewhere else, BEHIND THE BARS of a crib! A baby has NO CONCEPT OF WHAT SLEEP IS. He didn't know he was ASLEEP. He only knows he was resting comfortably, securely in the bosom of his family, closed his eyes "for a second" and now has magically been moved and IS ALONE!!
Once the baby is lying in her crib, a lullaby or two is helpful; a musical mobile near the crib is calming. Reading the child a short story is pleasant, and frequently the baby will look forward to the SAME story night after night. A gentle massage can also be very relaxing and get the baby ready for sleep. Sometimes, baby will still be upset as you are leaving. I devised a "last goodbye" routine that helped my daughter: I'd lay down on the carpet beside her crib and offer my hand through the bars. I'd coax her to lie down and take hold of my finger for comfort while she was settling. POP QUIZ: Could anything possibly go wrong with this plan?...........ANSWER: If you get TOO COMFORTABLE lying there and STAY TOO LONG so that baby ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP holding your finger, this could become A CRUTCH. When baby wakes lightly in the middle of the night, she will be UNABLE TO GET HERSELF BACK DOWN and REQUIRE you to hold her hand. Not good. To prevent this TRAP I would slowly count to "60" as I'd lie beside the crib with her holding my finger. At "60" I'd gently withdraw my hand from hers, remain still for another ten seconds, and quietly creep out of the room. She WAS STILL AWAKE, but SO RELAXED that she was okay with my leaving! Within the next minute or so, she'd be asleep.
Of course you need to consider the baby could be teething in infancy and crying from throbbing they feel at bedtime (PLEASE see my notes on TEETHING on this site).
This is also where the PACIFIER shows its real value: Rhythmic sucking is likely to calm and satisfy the baby who uses it frequently during the day. In my own home, we encouraged our daughters to enjoy the pacifier all day long and all night long from early infancy. This prevented thumbsucking. But at night, if they woke, after they were 3 months old, we'd pop the pacifier back in their mouths before they really wakened completely and got upset. Sucking on it usually got them right back to sleep. By the time they were 6 months old, we'd keep 3 or 4 pacifiers in the crib, and if they awakened at night, they'd find one by chance and PUT THEMSELVES RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP. That was great for everybody. IMPORTANT: If you don't want a four year old still stuck with a pacifier, you have to begin limiting the pacifier to SLEEP TIME ONLY beginning at about 16 months or so. MAKE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE. Baby will quickly learn the new limits and really relish going to bed. (When my daughter was 2 years old, we left her with a baby sitter and were surprised to learn she'd gone to sleep shortly after we'd left. SHE HAD CONNED THE SITTER to put her to bed because she was lonely without us, wanted the comfort of the pacifier, but knew the only way she'd be allowed to have it was if she were in the crib!! So she PRETENDED to be sleepy to get to her "long lost friend"!!) I advise complete elimination of the pacifier at 3 years old. With our daughters, we began to warn them of its impending departure a month before that birthday party. We got the book, "Miss Piggy's Bye Bye Pacifier" and read it nightly with them. The day after the third birthday party, we explained the pacifier was gone. We all suffered two cranky evenings, and our kids quickly accepted the loss. They were fine because they were ready to move on and COULD USE WORDS NOW and didn't need to suck the way toddlers do.
In my next blog, we'll explore sleeping difficulties in babies who are beyond infancy.
