"S-H-Y" is Just a "four letter word"...(After Bob Dylan and Joan Baez)

Occasionally, a parent will cajole the child with: "Are you being shy?"

My back always goes up if that happens.  I feel protective of the child and resentful of the affront of being called a bad name by their Mom or Dad.  

Let's take a look at the behavior in that room.  If I were two or three years old, in a cold and strange/new place, and a strange big guy in a white coat was threatening to loom over me, I'd be pretty intimidated!  The parent most likely knows "the drill", knows what's going to happen in that room - the kid probably has almost no idea of what the immediate future is going to bring - except it very well could be "a shot"!

It seems natural to me that the little guy or gal will be very "cautious" and "act reserved" for a while.  So I can't keep myself from championing  the little one. I begin, "Oh, I hate to hear a kid called 'S-H-Y'.  It's pejorative (very negative name-calling) because, if you think about it, it really translates into the phrase 'excessively reserved', only worse.  One little syllable, and three letters, is more cutting/damaging than the six syllables of 'excessively reserved'?  That's language for you!  You don't want to label your child a word that evokes shame and pity.  I believe that's what 'shy' does for most people.  It means weakness, fearfulness, and unfriendliness.  And we know from  psychology research, that when a child hears himself called something, by someone he respects/trusts, he's likely to internalize (make part of himself) the trait that's being pasted on him."

So unless the parent has a "need" to have their child take on that role, they don't want to describe him or her in that way!  Because if the child hears Daddy say that's what he is, it will likely stick and that's how the child may feel he's really supposed to act, all the time, because it's how he's made.  The little boy or girl will be even more likely to act that way in the future when confronted with new situations. In fact, Daddy may be making his child "SHY"!

To redirect the parent's feeling about the child's behavior, I suggest "cautious" or "reserved" as a replacement adjective for how she's acting. Most of the time, I see the parent's eyes light up with understanding then.  "Cautious" and "reserved" are really neutral words.  If anything, they make you think of someone with social maturity. It takes good sense to be careful!  And these words aren't sticky!  Because someone can be cautious, a little "slow to warm up", and then transition gradually into having a rowdy wild good time!