The Baby Tantrum and the Breath-holding Baby

It isn't anyone's fault that they behave this way; neither the parents' nor the child's. It's just the way they're "programmed" to respond.

If you are lucky enough to be the parent of such a child, you may be challenged by their behavior in a particular way.  If they are thwarted in getting something they desire, or are suddenly injured, such as a painful bump from a fall, they get so upset as they BEGIN to cry, that they take a very, very deep breath, AND THEN HOLD THAT BREATH!  They will not exhale.  They are frozen, mouth open, body stiff, usually lying or thrashing on the floor.  The face is bright red and then becomes dark red, and then usually a purplish color.  Until they faint.  Some kids doing this might have a brief seizure/convulsion.  This is seen in as many as 5% of babies between the ages of one and four years old, with the most common age 12 to 18 months.

Needless to say, this is distressing for the parent to watch.  But within a moment or two of fainting, the baby wakes up and starts moving around, AND IS FINE.

So what is a parent to do when this is THEIR child?  The advice is quite clear and VERY SUCCESSFUL IF Mom and Dad can FOLLOW the advice.

First off, a parent knows his baby, what sets him/her off into a tantrum.  A loving parent will THINK AHEAD and PROTECT the baby from UNNECESSARY frustration and injury.  Don't leave a valuable antique vase within reach of the baby and then demand that she not touch it!  If there is something you MUST do, like put Baby in the car seat before you drive off, it doesn't matter how he protests/complains. But it IS a good parenting HABIT to always keep your child "in the loop".  Give them a running "play by play" of what's going on and, more important, what is ABOUT to happen.  If you've been at Grandma's house for four hours, and you know you'll be leaving at 5 PM, MAKE SURE you clue the children in by 4:30 that they should get ready to say their goodbyes soon.  It helps them EMOTIONALLY get ready for CHANGE.  Otherwise, they may feel that they're being whipped around in a life that's like a tornado.

The key to helping your child get control over THEIR OWN behavior and also their FEELINGS is to respond in a helpful way when they "fall into" a tantrum or hold their breath.  A rule of psychology is that behavior that is rewarded is likely to be REPEATED.  Since people, and especially children, are REWARDED by ATTENTION, if a parent shows excitement and pays special attention when a child acts in a wild way, the child will tend to do that behavior again and again.  

For that reason, it's important to briefly LOOK AWAY or WALK AWAY from a child's tantrum or breath-holding attack. The parent MUST NOT show alarm or distress.  If the baby sees shock or upset distress in the parent while the tantrum is happening, it will make things worse:  The baby will be alarmed  by the parent's frightened face AND the baby will feel POWER, in a bad way.  The baby knows she is "little" and "weak", but if they can cause such STRONG EMOTION in Mommy/Daddy, it is giving the baby CONTROL over the parent!  So getting that POWER/CONTROL is a reward and the baby will keep doing whatever gave her that power.  It's irresistible.  So breath-holding attacks will be MORE likely in the future. 

Instead of showing upset while the baby is screaming, parent should WAIT till the moment the baby acts calm, and THEN quickly come soothe the child. This is recommended EVEN for the baby that turns blue and then faints.  After a number of episodes like this, the baby will learn that he DOES NOT get attention when WILD, but rather when he is calm and quiet.  If WILDNESS doesn't "pay off", the tendency to act that way will really come less often.  

It IS a challenge for a parent to follow this plan, but if followed consistently, it works.